Parenting: The Most Domestic of all

*Disclaimer: I don't actually know anything about parenting. I'm not a parent, I'm not married, I'm not planning on changing any of that in the next year. All I know is what I've observed from the receiving end of parenting, that is, childing.*

Our Thursday discussion left me thinking about the past eighteen years of my life (yes that's all the years I have), and all of everything I've learned from the people I've observed living their life as a member of my faith. Of all those people I can think of 4 that stand out the most, and those are the ones that have taken on the role, among others, of parent for me.



For those of you not present in that class here's the short version:

1. Finish watching the movie Faith of an Observer a documentary/commentary of Hugh Nibley. If you want to watch the video I recommend this website and searching for Hugh Nibley. 
2. Discuss various topics related to the above movie:
1. Repentance and Education
2. Humility and Ignorance
3. Folk Knowledge and Life as Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

If you want my noted version feel free to look at it here. 

For the first seventeen years of my life I lived with one set of parents, and then in the space of about 3 months I up and decided I was moving out to Provo for school. (Thankfully we believe that families can be forever!) Upon moving to Provo I adopted the parents of my roommate that we visited every Sunday (they live nearby) thus my parents became 4.  It turns out parents are sometimes the hardest people to leave behind. 

Undoubtedly this is because we get nearly all of our folk knowledge, or at least all that helps us to function in society as citizens, from our parents. In fact looking over the Learning Outcomes for our course nearly all of them begin in the home. 

• History - Families all have their own history, going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
• Knowledge Institution - Without structure or a grading system home is the place to learn everything from walking to chemistry.
• Communicating knowledge - Here parents teach folk knowledge by example, oral knowledge by talking, and written knowledge through letters and notes.
• Knowledge skills - We learn how to learn from our parents teaching.
• Sharing Knowledge - All family members can share knowledge, from parents to siblings.

Back to my parents. Despite the fact that my dads grew up brothers, they approach teaching and parenting very differently. My real dad is more of a hands-on, example setting kind of guy. We learned to make motors by making them with him, we learned to work hard by working hard with him, we learned about his testimony by gaining ours with him. Most important of all we learned that he loved us by spending every second of his spare time with him. At the sidelines of our games(sometimes coaching), in a canoe up a river, by the pond, in the surf, and even time watching shows when Mom didn't know. 

My other dad is more of a talker (or at least as I know him, I've decided kids are easier to talk to as they get older, they've wised up a bit). He talks to his kids about everything, all the stuff their interested in (their school/sports/friends/hobbies) and all the stuff their not (working hard/being a good person/loving our siblings). Most of the things I've learned from him I've heard him talking about, gardening, cooking, working hard, his testimony, and that he loves his family (which includes me!). He spends all his spare time talking to his kids to teach them about everything he wants them to know.

The point of the story of my dads is not that I have some of the most awesome people looking out for me (even though I do!) but that no matter how they approach it parents have been trying to perfect their craft since the beginning of time. From the Egyptian Pharaohs whose sons were raised to help their fathers on to the next life to Romans who often adopted older "sons" to train in their craft because their own sons were to young, parents have been getting it right, and wrong, for centuries.

Yet some how it hasn't reached perfection, or at least not that I've ever seen. I think that is one of the important and intrinsic qualities of folk knowledge and parenthood that there isn't a perfect textbook. Because you usually only see how your parents raised you (and even that is flawed) you only have that and the experience your spouse had to go off of when trying to raise your own kids, you rely on your folks' knowledge. I'm just grateful for two sets of parents showing me the way. (Who'd ever thought they'd hear their kid say they want MORE parents!??!)

One quick anecdote to learning from your parents:

One day a man came home to his wife baking a cake. As he went to pull out the cake he noticed a pan of water sitting in the back of the oven. He asked his wife what it was for, she didn't really know all she knew was that her mom had always done it in when she baked a cake. Curious he called up his mother-in-law and asked her the purpose of the pan in the back of the oven. It turned out she didn't really know, just that here mom had always done it. Luckily the grandmother was still around and answered her telephone. Upon hearing the reason for her grandson's inquiry the old lady laughed and laughed, she said that she put the pan in the back of the oven because her oven was so old the cake would bake crooked if the rack wasn't balanced in the back. ;)

P.S. I'm not sure where this story comes from, just that my Dad told it to me once.